rammar, mechanics, and thesis statements

I want any feedback on grammar, mechanics, and thesis statements in my final literary analysis.

Reading “Lessons from the Assembly Line,” highlighted Andrew Braaksma’s hopes to help his audience understand the value of a college education. He writes about how difficult work is in the factory and sees the plight of the workers’ financial instability and job insecurity. Through these experiences, he hopes to persuade people to go to college and to work hard.

           Andrew Braaksma, in “Some Lessons from the Assembly Line” successfully persuades students and workers to attend college using comparison and vivid word choices.

A key point Braaksma makes in an effort to convince his audience is where he states “…hulking, spark showering machines have replaced the lush campus and cavernous lecture halls of college life, is torture.” (Newsweek, 2016) He is showing his preference for college life by painting a picture of a “lush” campus and, by contrast, identifying factory conditions as “torture.” He made a good argument where he clearly illustrates the contrasting conditions between college and factory life. I could almost see myself in the harsh desert of the factory versus the tropical paradise of the college environment. However, his argument seems incomplete to me. It would have been more effective had he included statistics of the percentage of people who get a white-collar job based on completing college.

An additional method Braaksma uses to successfully convince his audience is his vivid word choices. As he reflects on his summer spent working at the factory, he states that it was “anything but a vacation.” (Newsweek, 2016) This was undoubtedly due to the “rigid” work schedule that he was not accustomed to. Waking up early and doing hard labor was described by one worker as “hell on the body.” His descriptive words were compelling to me. I felt his frustration with the dictator-like work schedules, where he didn’t have the luxury of a flexible lifestyle that college provides. It was easy for me to imagine the ordeal of long, hot factory workdays. I easily chose college life after reading his vivid descriptions.  

Braaksma points out that blue-collar jobs are unstable and unreliable. He states “As frustrating as the work can be, the most stressful thing about blue-collar life is knowing your job could disappear overnight.” (Newsweek. 2016) He wanted better job prospects for the people that work in the factory and the people who are working hard at college. Braaksma convincingly pointed out that blue collar jobs aren’t dependable long-term.. He convinced me that not having a job to count on would be too stressful. By contrast, a white-collar job would provide a steadier income resulting in a less stressful life.

Andrew Braaksma’s essay primarily focuses on the importance of education as well as the plight of uneducated workers. From his experience, lack of education subjected individuals to “hell-like” job conditions. The way he paints a picture for his reader’s describing blue-collar job conditions in comparison to a college experience is successful in convincing people to attend college. Braaskma encourages his readers to take advantage of their education because a blue collar worker’s life takes toll on his body and the pay is not worth the amount of time they channel in their work. People should consider college education a privilege.